I received a very thoughtful comment about my blog posting the other day that I titled, “Father Gene and ‘The Gay Question’”. The commenter asked about why the church (in general) will bless people two people who are deeply committed to each other in love and honor, who confess a sincere Christian testimony and care for the poor and disadvantaged, and who love their neighbors, as long as the people are heterosexual.
The person goes on to ask why it is, in the general view of the church, a bad thing, given the above descriptions, that the people in question are homosexual, and why there is an objection to the ordination of such people.
The final comments are poignant:
“I hear your heart, Maxwell, and Father Gene’s, too, in saying, ‘there is only us, and we are all a mess.’ I, too, stand with you in regards to this. God knows that other than Jesus, there are no perfect people. However, I find in my church community of choice, I also stand on the outside of the church looking in. I stand on the outside of a marriage covenant. I stand, holding in the balance, either betraying the traditions of the church or betraying myself. I find that in the diversities of these weights and balances, what really matters to me are three things: loving God and being loved by God, loving my neighbor - no matter what, and loving another soul and being loved by them. In the scope of eternity, I ask you, what else matters?”
The problem with being a writer who taps into other people’s views about life is that people who actually read what you write think that you know something about these kinds of deep issues. But on this one I rallied my interior resources and determined to do what any writer with even a shred of integrity would do under the circumstances.
I would pass it on to Father Gene.
On the day I received the comments (very well written, I might add. I wish my commenters would be lousy writers so that they would make me look good) I decided not to wait until I ran into Father Gene at The End of Time, so I tracked him down at his church, which I figured was the Catholic church within walking distance from the café.
I wandered through the sanctuary, marveling at all the things that fill a Catholic church: Candles, crucifixes, statues, stained glass windows, and so on. Clearly, when it comes to church, the Catholics have all the best stuff. A lady who apparently worked at the church discovered me lurking around and took me to Father Gene. He was in his book-lined, comfortable office working on something at his desk. He seemed glad to see me and welcomed me in. He looked like a man who waited for something to happen, and he would always be ready when someone showed up.
I read him the comments that I received and he sat back in his ancient oak chair and thought about them for a few minutes. Here, in a nutshell, is what he said:
“I’m fortunate in that I don’t make the rules in the Roman Catholic Church, so no one expects me to change the practices of my church. However, I have thought about this issue a lot, because I approach these things more like a pastor than a theologian.
“I think there are reasons that churches in general—both Catholic and Protestant—push back on this issue, and not all the reasons are because they are simply antagonistic toward gay people (although there is more than that going on than there should be). Churches and the societies they inhabit have a long tradition of seeing marriage as a union between a man and woman (this goes back millennia, when tribes needed heterosexual people to keep reproducing). So, that such a sudden shift in some of these practices should be made without resistance is unrealistic.
“It’s also not just that there are statements in the Bible making homosexual activity forbidden. There is also a way of thinking about the creation itself that describes, in the book of Genesis, how the joining of the man and woman reflect the image of God. So it’s more complex than just the church being obstinate.
“Having said that, the church at large cannot enjoy the luxury of not responding to the question of the place of gay people in the life of the church, whether they are there or not. We are required to look at ourselves at the same time and come clean about what we think sin really is and whether or not we share a broken existence with all people in the world.
“I think it will be a long time before the dust settles, and I wonder what kind of responsible theological and pastoral thinking will emerge, if any. So far the responses are mostly reactive, and I don’t think that is helping anyone.
“But if I could wish for a shift in the dialogue, I would hope to see two things come to the table.
“First, I’d hope to see the conversation about gay marriage and ordination move away from the starting point of ‘rights.’ I hear a lot about the resistance against these things as acts of injustice because they violate people’s rights. I don’t think that’s the proper starting point.
“Maxwell, you might be surprised to learn that, before I became a priest, I was married. My wife died ten years ago, and that’s when I began to prepare for the priesthood. But we were married at a time when, in order to get married, you had to get a blood test to prove that you didn’t have some strange disease, you had to prove you weren’t already married to someone else, and, if a man wasn’t yet 21 years of age or a woman under 18, they had to get written permission from their parents. If either person failed at any of these points, the request for a marriage license would be denied. Even today, you can’t get a license if you are underage or already married.
“My point is that marriage is not a fundamental right. It is the recognition by the community (and also the state) that a marriage is happening. Just because people want to be officially married doesn’t mean that they can do so under any and all circumstances—whether gay or straight.
“Second, I long to see the debate include gay people (rather than just people who support gay people), so that we would look into one another’s eyes and see real, hurting human beings on both sides of the table and start seeing solidarity in our humanness. Much of the argumentation is too abstract to interest me. I’m more interested in dealing with real people.
“I wish I had some clear answers for your responder, but I remain fuzzy, I must admit. I am not called upon to make decisions about these kinds of things for the Catholic church, but I do respond to the people who come my way, and I try to minister the love and grace of Jesus Christ to all who come. I always believe that there is room on the cross of Jesus for others to place their hands next to mine.”
I left Father Gene’s office and went home to write this post. I hope it is helpful to someone, especially the one who wrote to me. I suspect it will sound like more questions than answers, but maybe there is a hope for understanding and grace to be found in there somewhere.
I’m glad that I’m a writer and not a pastor. But if I were to be a pastor, I would want to be one like Father Gene.
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