Father Gene speaks out about gay marriage in New York

“As a man of the cloth, Padre, I assume that the gay marriage decision in New York would cause your righteous anger to rise up and shout, ‘Unclean!’”

I was surprised at first to see The Forb sitting with Father Gene when Winnie and I walked into the End of Time. When I heard the topic of conversation, I knew that The Forb was sparring for some action. Winnie squeezed my hand and slipped over to our booth, not wanting to join the controversy.

It was strange to realize that my booth and become our booth.

“Sit for a minute, Max,” said The Forb. “There may be a story in this for your paper.” I sat, signaling to Winnie that I wouldn’t be long.

“So what do you say, Father, about this whole thing? Will God smite the Big Apple?”

Father Gene sipped his coffee and smiled. He struck me as a man who refused to take the bait in a potentially hot conversation and wasn’t driven by anxiety. He set his cup down and looked at The Forb.

“The New York decision doesn’t surprise me at all,” he said. “Our society is one that is based on the idealization of individual rights. When the values of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—good values, it may be argued—are the bottom line of a culture, then those rights will have to ultimately be embraced by everyone. Old boundaries are destined to be pushed back or broken altogether.”

“But what about men marrying men, and all that?” The Forb was clearly not getting the response he had anticipated. “Shouldn’t the church be upset by that?”

“The church in its many forms will, for the most part, object to the New York decision and all that will come from it,” said Father Gene. “And well-meaning people will attempt to change hearts and minds by debate and legislation. And none of it will work.”

“So you’ll just roll over and play dead while the sanctity of marriage—a sacred trust that I’ve managed to violate several times—is swept away by the liberals?” said The Forb. “And if all the yelling and screaming that you Christians do won’t work, then what will you do?”

“There will still be plenty of yelling and screaming,” said Father Gene. “And I don’t hold out much hope for that to change. But I believe there is a way that we Christians need to go.”

“Where is that?”

“In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says this: ‘Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well.’ We Christians have joined the battle for the culture on the culture’s terms. We need to engage with Jesus.”

The Forb looked at me uncomprehendingly, as though I could interpret Father Gene’s words. I shrugged and looked back at the priest.

“Here’s what I mean: When it comes to marriage, the church has allowed the state to set the agenda. Sure, we have our ceremonies and blessings and rituals. But until the state says it’s a marriage, we don’t recognize it as valid. Now that the state wants to set the agenda a new way, we resist. We can’t have it both ways.”

“I thought marriage was a big deal in the church. Isn’t it a sacrament or something?” said The Forb.

“Yes, for us Catholics it certainly is. And it remains very important throughout the whole church. But these state decisions about same-sex marriage are the equivalent of the state suing us and taking away our coat—the coat that we call the definition of marriage. I believe that now it is time for us to give the state our cloak as well.”

“I don’t get it,” said the Forb. I remained silent, not getting it either.

“The cloak is the collaboration between church and state when it comes to marriage,” said Father Gene. “We need to give that up as well. It is a collaboration that needs to be untangled, and it is time that we viewed marriage within our own communities of faith as something that runs deeper and more significantly that merely the exercising of rights.”

“So you don’t think that the church should do weddings any more?” said The Forb. “Wouldn’t you give up some serious revenue by doing that?”

Father Gene smiled. “It would indeed be costly. I definitely believe that the church should do weddings. But we should do them as faith communities, calling people to deep commitments, rather than merely performing religious services that leave people to the ravages of a culture that discards marriages like last week’s trash.”

“What about the legalities of marriage?” said The Forb. “The church can’t do anything about that.”

“True,” said Father Gene. “But that is the realm of the state to confer legal rights. It is the church’s role to call people into faithfulness before God and his people. It is the church that has to define marriage as a relationship that is grounded in God’s good creation. But I’m getting over my head here. Sorry to sermonize.”

“It’s a puzzle to me,” said The Forb. “Let me know how it all turns out.” He got up and retired to his regular spot, losing himself behind the morning paper.

“It’s too complicated for me to write about, Father,” I said. “Let me know when you preach about it. I might show up.”

“I may have to wait until the Sunday before I retire to preach that sermon, Max,” he said. “I’m not sure it will play well in the US.”

I didn’t think it would play well in Rome either, but I kept that to myself. I left him and joined Winnie. She didn’t ask about our conversation, and I didn’t tell.